A Day in the Life of a Full-Time Caregiver

Disclaimer #1:  I am not a full-time caregiver.  I am a temporary full-time caregiver.  To all of those people who care for a loved one full-time, I salute you. I know this has an end, but you might not.  My husband is injured but he will heal and be fully functional again.  You may be looking at a lifetime of sacrificial service.  You are a hero.

Disclaimer #2:  Andy is an amazing patient. He barely complains (only to let me know when he's in pain) and he thanks me constantly.  Each day he gains more mobility and independence and tries to take some of the burden off of me.  He knows this is hard on me, hard on him, and hard on the kids.  He has never lost his sense of humor through all of  this.  In fact, the first thing the recovery nurse said to me after he came out of surgery was, "Your husband is funny!"

Disclaimer #3:  I do not want your sympathy and am not looking for praise.  That's not why I'm writing this.  I am so glad I can be home to serve my husband and help him through this.  It's completely and utterly exhausting, but this is where I want to be.  He is my best friend, and I promised to love him through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health.  This post is just a way to let you all see into our lives right now, and maybe to encourage us all to care for and understand each other a little better.

Here's a little sampling of what it's like, in my life right now.  This was a few days after he broke his ankle.

5:30 am   Wake up.  Tiptoe downstairs and pour my coffee in the dark.  Andy is asleep on the couch and I know he's had a restless night of sleep.  Tiptoe upstairs and have some quiet time to read, journal, and pray.

6:20   Tiptoe downstairs and start making lunches and laying out breakfast.  Navigate kids fighting over cereal boxes, brushing hair, finding lost shoes, spilling milk, signing papers, packing backpacks, all the while shh-ing them and threatening them if they dare wake up Daddy.

7:15   Drive the girls to the bus stop.  Andy is still sleeping (it's a Christmas miracle what with all the racket we created.  Or maybe it's just the Vicodin).

7:25   Take a quick shower while Jonas watches a movie on my laptop on my bed.

8:00   Help Andy get ready - make his breakfast, pour his coffee, figure out what meds he needs to take, help him get to the bathroom to brush his teeth, etc, run upstairs about 54 times to gather all the things we need.

8:10   Begin the process of getting him into the car - this includes holding crutches while he stands up, grabbing three pillows to prop up his foot, and making sure we have all the medical forms we need, grabbing a coat and a blanket to keep him warm in the car (b/c he can only fit shorts over his gigantic cast).  Help him out the door and down the steps (kicking kids' shoes out of his way), holding his crutches while he gets in the car, situating pillows for his foot.

8:20   Drive to doctor's appointment.

8:30   (same process getting out of car as getting in)  Check in, help Andy get settled in and his foot propped up (which involves rearranging the waiting room furniture), help Jonas find a game to play on my phone.

  8:50   Drive Jonas to preschool.

9:10   Back to doctor's office, where Andy has been taken back to a room.  Doctor gives lots of instructions to prep for surgery next week and explains x-rays, etc.  I watch as they re-splint his foot.  We make our next appointment and talk about scheduling the surgery.

 10:35  Stop to get a breakfast sandwich because I haven't eaten breakfast yet.  I am treated so rudely by cashier I almost start crying right there in line.  Cannot wait to get out of there.

10:45  Arrive at Andy's office and get him settled into a reclining chair so he can have a meeting with his staff to plan for the next few weeks.  I sit and eat my breakfast sandwich and check emails and facebook and try to catch up on all the unanswered texts.

11:30  Leave Andy at his office and run home to clean: vacuum, mop, clean up breakfast dishes, clean up the clutter, rearrange the furniture in the family room to make it more comfortable for Andy.  Take a few minutes to write some emails.

1:45  Drive to preschool to pick up Jonas.

2:10  Drive to Andy's office to pick him up.

2:20  Arrive home, get him settled in and fetch all the things he needs (chargers, water, a snack, meds, pillows, a warmer shirt, etc)

2:30  Girls arrive home from school.  Put together snacks and water and make everyone go to the bathroom.

 3:00  Take the kids to Wal-mart to get some things we need (also to get them out of the house so Andy can sleep)

4:00  Drive to a local park to take a walk.  It's colder than I thought it was and none of us have warm enough jackets, but oh well.  We find some ducks who come right up to us and the kids have a blast throwing snow to them and watching them nibble at it.  I'm thankful they're distracted so that I can talk for a few minutes with a friend on the phone.

5:00  Arrive back home and make dinner.  Eat with the kids at the table and bring dinner out to Andy.  Clean up the kitchen. Help the kids with homework.  Help them with showers.  Put away laundry.  Andy dozes off and on - sometimes falling asleep mid-sentence because of the pain meds.

6:45  Kids watch a movie with Andy on the couch so I can sit on my bed and read for a little bit.

7:45 Kids say goodnight to Daddy and then the four of us head upstairs for bedtime routines -brush teeth, find blankets and stuffed animals, close closet doors (because there are monsters in there you know), sit with each kid to talk and pray.

8:30  Help Andy get up the stairs so that he can shave and take a sponge bath.  Help him find clothes that will fit over his cast. Every movement is painful, so it takes 13 minutes just to get him dressed.

9:30 Get him settled in on the couch again (pillows, water, phone, heating blanket, chapstick, lotion, etc).  Make up a bed for him on the floor so that he can prop his foot up on the couch and switch positions easily in the middle of the night. 

10:00 Fall into bed exhausted.

10:01 Dead asleep.


The Sunday after Andy's accident I took the kids to the early service at church, and then we ran some errands.  I had left the house in a hurry that morning (read: mess) and came home to a sparkling clean kitchen - breakfast dishes washed, counters and table wiped clean, dishwasher emptied.  Andy told me a friend of ours had stopped by with cookies and ended up cleaning my kitchen for me.  I saw her a week later and thanked her.  She said, "Oh, it was such a small thing."  And I looked at her and said, "Well, for me it was a big thing.  When I am running all day long, you cleaning my kitchen for me is a big thing!"

Never underestimate what your acts of kindness  and service will mean to someone else.  If someone you love is sick, sad, worn out, injured, just had a baby - reach out and offer to help.  Be specific.  Rarely does anyone respond to the offer, "If you need help, let me know."  It is difficult to ask for help.  But people can easily respond to - "I have a meal ready for you.  When can I drop it off?" or "I would love to have your kids come over so you can have a break. What day this week will work for you?"

Friends folding laundry!

 I've learned many things throughout this experience, and one of the biggest ones is that Our people are amazing and Our community is incredible.  Thank you, thank you for the incredible ways you have loved on us during this very difficult time! We are surrounded by such great love and generosity and every single act of kindness - whether big or small - has impacted our family in a major way.  Much love!

Cuddles from our dear friend Jack