When Doubt Creeps In

Yesterday I woke up and all the doubt and fear I had been pushing to the background rushed in like a flood.  Question upon question flitted through my mind, one leading to the next.

What do we think we are doing?  Can we really do this alone?  We don't know anybody in Ethiopia!  What if we do something that is culturally offensive? Where will we go each day?  What's our plan?  What's MY plan?  If Andy's busy doing dentistry, what will I do?  And on and on it went.

Andy felt the same way, so we prayed together.  I wrote in my journal.  And I went to a friend's house and asked her to pray for me.

As we were holding hands at her table, with our three children playing and yelling in the background, she began to pray.  She asked Jesus to step in between Andy and me, put His strong arms around our shoulders, and lead us.  In my mind I could see the three of us from behind, walking shoulder to shoulder.  And I cried.

Just days before, I had looked up verses about God's hands and arms. 

The LORD answered Moses, "Is the Lord's arm too short?" Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you. Numbers 11:23

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you.  I said, "You are my servant."  I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.  Psalm 63:8

So when she prayed that He would put his arms around our shoulders, it was a reminder, a promise, a little whisper - "I am here.  I am there.  I'll be with you."  We both felt His presence right there at her dining room table.

I had forgotten.  Again.

He's always there; it's we who forget.  We who don't acknowledge.  When the doubts come back, which I'm sure they will, I am going to hold on to that picture - as we pack our suitcases, as we walk through security, as we meet our translator, as we travel and walk and meet and pray and love.  Not two of us, but three - we're doing this thing together.