Here's a small scenario. I ask Andy to take Jonas to preschool. Preschool starts at 9:00, which means we should leave the house by 8:50 at the latest in order to get there on time. Andy gets in the shower at 8:45. I'm downstairs fretting and frowning and worrying about how late they're going to be. I'm creating an escape plan in my head because I no longer trust him to get the job done. I'm searching for my shoes and my keys at this point, grumbling about how "I trusted you to get him there on time." Well, no, back up the bus. I didn't really trust him, did I? I only trusted him to do it my way. My way is to leave at 8:45, giving us plenty of time and allowing for any unforseen detractors, such as construction or a slow grandma.
And isn't this how we are so often with God? We say we trust Him, but in reality we only trust Him if things go the way we had planned and expected. We only trust Him when He answers prayers the way we would. We have our escape plans mapped out and our keys ready.
Nine times out of ten, when Andy takes Jonas to preschool, they are a few minutes late. And you know what? The world hasn't ended yet. They made it; the teacher didn't care; Jonas ended up having a fabulous day. All that worrying for nothing.
"Worry about tomorrow only steals the joy from today." -Barbara Cameron
Sophia, my firstborn, is a worrier. She's also responsible, sweet, organized, helpful, and kind. But she's a worrier. One of the biggest struggles we've had as she has gotten older is navigating anxiety over sleep. She went through a period of time where she couldn't fall asleep, or would fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep. She would stumble into our room in the middle of the night sobbing and distraught and in a complete panic.
We tried everything to help her. We prayed with her. We posted Bible verses all over her room. We made a list of things she could do if she couldn't fall asleep. We gave her Melatonin. We let her climb in bed with us.
Nothing worked.
And the longer she was awake, the greater her panic. "What if I never fall asleep?" "What if I'm tired tomorrow?" "What if this happens every night?" What if, what if, what if.
As I was putting her to bed one night and we were running through all those what-ifs yet again, I said to her:
Sophia, what if you decided right now, before you even try to go to sleep, that you will trust God no matter what happens tonight?
Whether you fall asleep, or are up for hours? Whether you sleep until 4am or 6am? Whether you are tired or completely fine? Can you choose to trust him even if you're completely exhausted tomorrow? Do you know that he already sees tomorrow? Do you know that He will be right by your side tomorrow? Do you know that He can even help you to be wide awake and rested tomorrow?
This was a completely different approach than all the others. The other methods were dependent on her, this level of trust was dependent on God.
And in those moments, God whispered to my heart, "Do you trust me like that?"
"Anxiety is the result of envisioning the future without me." -Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, p. 304
Our future is uncertain, but then it always is. Control is an illusion; God is real. Instead of running through the scenarios of tomorrow, I pray I can step back into the present and enjoy today. And choose to trust that whatever happens tomorrow, God promises to be there, by my side, helping me navigate all the unknowns.
~Katie
No comments:
Post a Comment