"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!" exclaims the psalmist (King David) in Psalm 139:14 (NLT version).
It is precisely for this reason that it's going to be difficult to separate these blog posts into the three categories of body, mind, and soul. Because we are "wonderfully complex" it is sometimes difficult to know where the physical ends and the emotional begins, or how the matters of the heart and and mind affect our souls and bodies. They are all so closely integrated, and God designed us to be that way. So my disclaimer is this: As I write these posts, I am trying to organize them into three categories, and yet there will be overlap because we as human beings are not so easily categorized. Another disclaimer: I have no formal training and do not claim to be an expert. Much of what I am writing about comes from books I have read or my own experiences (therefore, these are my opinions, which I am not claiming as facts).
I am choosing the word "soul" to encompass the spiritual aspect of our beings -- that part of us that connects us to God and Him to us. Whether we believe in God or not, we all have a soul, a part of us that is different from our bodies and our emotions, a place where we contemplate the deeper aspects of ourselves, such as "What is my purpose?" and "What happens when I die?" The soul is where we wrestle with ambiguities and attempt to understand the gray areas of our lives. In times of crisis, it's sometimes the last place we seek healing, as it might be easier to focus on more black and white solutions such as healthy eating, medication, or specific therapies. And yet, the soul is probably the most important -- it's the starting point, the origin of how we got to where we are today. We can treat many symptoms on the surface and end up ignoring the root: the reason, the cause, and the place where it all began. I am defining the soul as "who we are." (The mind will be defined as "what we think" and the body is "how we act").
Sometimes (not always), our anxiety and depression has a starting point, a fixed point where something took root and was allowed to grow. As it grew, it became part of who we are. Without realizing it, one day we may step back and see a gnarled mess of overgrown vines, and wonder how we ended up here. Sometimes the root began with a specific event or series of events, and other times it is a general belief or idea.
An event: Trauma can interrupt and impact a life that otherwise would have continued on a normal path. When we think of trauma, we first think of the big ones: soldiers in combat, family violence, or sexual exploitation. There are also events on a smaller scale which can cause levels of trauma: accidents and injuries, a relative's death, a change in a family system, a betrayal, an illness, and the list goes on. Again, as complex beings, we have no idea how we will react to trauma until it happens to us. While one person may have no long term side effects from a car accident, another may develop PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Research has shown that traumatic experiences have the ability to rewire the connections in our actual brains, causing a trickle down affect to our bodies, minds, and souls. [More to come on this]
A belief: "I am terrible at math." In elementary school, I actually thought I was great at math. I was in a higher level class and also was chosen for a gifted and talented program which I participated in from 3rd through 6th grade. In 7th grade my math teacher didn't think I was so great. I honestly don't know what happened, but my grades started slipping, and she decided I needed to be moved out of honors math. I adopted a belief: "I am terrible at math." From there I had several mediocre teachers and bad experiences. Looking back now as an adult, I think as the concepts became harder, I may have needed extra time or help, and probably (maybe) could have continued in the honors class had I received it. Instead, I believed I couldn't do it, and so I didn't. I gave up. This is a simplistic example of how a belief can take root and turn into "truth." What if the beliefs and outcomes become a more serious problem? What if a child is told she is fat, worthless, ugly, or stupid by a trusted adult in her life? What if he's neglected, ignored, or abused? A core belief takes root: " I am worthless" or "I can't trust anyone." All other beliefs grow out of the core belief: "No one will take care of me." "No one loves me." "I'm all alone." Actions flow from thoughts and beliefs. A child who believes she cannot trust anyone will not trust anyone. She will spend her entire life not trusting anyone - unless that belief is dismantled somehow and rebuilt into a new pattern of thinking and behaving.
___________________________
Now here is where it gets tricky to separate mind and soul and body. Our souls are damaged in small or large ways, causing our mind to form unhealthy thoughts and memories, which causes our body to react in ways that are both conscious and subconscious, which creates years of patterned behavior. It's all connected, which I'll explore more in the next two posts.
Finding the root cause of an unhealthy/toxic pattern of thinking or behavior is perhaps the hardest soul work we will do. It requires self awareness and a willingness to face the pain of the past. I wouldn't go about it alone. If you are realizing that a past trauma is causing the anxiety or depression in your present, it's often wise to go to a counselor that you connect with and trust to lead you through the next part of your journey.
So what does our soul need as we fight back against the anxiety? (Disclaimer: I am approaching this from a Christian perspective, and a core belief that there is a God of the universe who loves humanity, died for humanity, and is in the process of redeeming all of humanity.)
Our souls need to know that we are deeply loved by a God who never fails to love.
This is such a foreign concept to an individual who has been deeply wounded by someone who was supposed to love them. We learn about love and trust starting the minute we are born (and many researchers believe we learn trust/distrust even in the womb). If our core belief is that we are not loved, all of our relationships reflect that belief. If our core belief is that we are deeply loved, we have a foundation with which to work through the imperfect love of our earthly relationships. Even the most perfect earthly relationship will fail us, because we are humans and not capable of perfect love. God is not human! That always amazes me when I stop to think about it. As a perfect being, He loves perfectly. He is also perfectly kind, perfectly just, perfectly merciful, perfectly faithful, perfectly patient, and perfectly good. The Bible says that "Perfect loves casts out fear." (1 John 4:18) Why and how could this be true? Well, how could we fear if we knew that there is a zero percent chance that we will not be loved? The truth is: We are 100% loved by a perfect God. He loves us with God-love, which far exceeds the best, most "perfect" human love.
If our core belief is: I am 100% loved by a perfect God, then there are spiritual practices which help our souls to connect to this incredible love from an incredible God:
1) Read about it. We have an entire book (the Bible) devoted to the greatest love story ever told. Start with the book of John. Since John was Jesus' best friend, he must know a few things about Jesus' love. So sure was he of this love that John labeled himself "the disciple whom Jesus loved" (John 19:26), basing his entire identity on his relationship to Christ. Read the Bible as often as possible - every day. If you've never read the entire story, get The Jesus Storybook Bible. Yes, it's written for kids, but it lays out the entire story of God pursuing humans from Genesis to Revelation and connects the dots in a profound way.
2) Hear about it. Expose yourself to truth that will affirm and confirm your relationship with God. When we are battling toxic thoughts and behaviors in ourselves, we are rooting out such negative stuff - and it must be replaced with healthy stuff. Worship music on repeat. Podcasts. Sermons. A deep discussion with a friend who gets it. Even a movie (The Shack was one that I watched and cried through during a difficult, dark time in my life). Fill your mind with good stuff.
3) Practice it. There are tangible ways to practice the truth we are hearing and reading about. Here are a few I do:
Scripture rings: I write out scriptures and prayers on index cards and put them on a binder ring. I have mine divided out by days of the week. Each day of the week has about ten cards that I flip through and read/pray. In the past, if I have been struggling with a particular concept, such as confidence, I will look up the word in the concordance and write down every verse I can find, and devote an entire scripture ring to it. I keep it in my purse or car and every time I have a spare moment, or feel a dark thought come into my mind, I start flipping through the verses. (Remember -- fill your mind with good stuff)
Statements of Faith: Feelings are not facts. Just because I feel like a failure, doesn't mean I am a failure. We have to be able to separate truth from feelings and allow the truth to inform our feelings. Here are a few I've used:
- It's just a thought. It's not who I am.
- I am not enough. Jesus is enough. With Jesus, I am enough.
- I have a future that is filled with HOPE!
- Anger is not wrong. But not dealing with my anger is unhealthy.
- Just because there's a possibility something may happen, does not mean it WILL happen.
- Flip the script. (for example: "She's a mean and terrible human being." to "She is probably having a bad day.")
- This sign hangs by my coffeemaker (My friend had it by her coffeemaker, and I loved it so much, she gave it to me.)
Brain Detox: I am sure I'll be quoting this book in my subsequent posts, so get used to hearing more about this! I recently read a book which has been truly life-altering (I'm not being dramatic here). Switch on Your Brain, by Dr. Caroline Leaf "guides you step-by-step through the process of replacing toxic thoughts with healthy ones" (from the back cover). Dr. Leaf incorporates scripture and Biblical principles yet also backs it up with the most current scientific and medical research. I have read many books and articles about "taking our thoughts captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5), and this book and her 21 Day Brain Detox plan is the most systematic approach I've ever tried. It actually works. She's even created an online program that walks you through the 21 days with videos and specific steps of action.
- A link to her book: https://www.amazon.com/Switch-Your-Brain-Happiness-Thinking/dp/0801018390/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1523973349&sr=8-1
- A link to the 21 Day Brain Detox online program: https://21daybraindetox.com/
I started this blog post well over a month ago. I became discouraged in the middle of writing it, as my anxiety came back full force and I couldn't seem to shake it. I had stomach aches every day, experienced disordered thinking, and woke up in the middle of the night worrying. I was doing all the things I knew I should be doing (I will be writing about those in my other two blog posts) and yet .... it was there. Anxiety is unpredictable and sometimes beyond our control. But that doesn't mean we accept it as normal. We have to fight it. God created us for more! He created us to be free. We have to keep going, keep looking for new strategies, and keep doing the things we know to do. We're in this together - and I'm so grateful to those of you who have reached out to me and encouraged me to keep writing. If it weren't for you, this blog post probably would never have been published.
For all of us, may we continue to "fight the good fight and finish the race." (2 Timothy 4:7)
No comments:
Post a Comment