Andy and I got on our knees and prayed. It's all we knew to do.
The next day a friend sent me an email. It is so profound that I want to share it with you. I asked her for permission.
First,
before we even became pregnant, if God had told me my kids would be
sexually abused, my son would be psychiatrically hospitalized 3 times
for wanting to kill himself and us at age 7, that he would push me down
the steps, bite, kick, and spit on me, hurt his little sister, that we would have
2 long years of crisis where we were often afraid of our safety, that we'd
be unable to do so many things that "normal" families do, that we'd have to
hunker down and "miss out" on life, that I'd have a son with mental
illness -- and so much more, I would've said: "Forget it God! I am not
signing up for that! We are not having kids!" But I had NO idea! He
knew there was NO WAY we could handle knowing. But He WENT BEFORE US.
HE KNEW. And He knew He'd be enough. So what did He do? He equipped
us. He led me to work with sexually abused children and emotionally
disturbed kids. He had me learn the warning signs of sexual abuse,
hospitalize a suicidal 7 year old at the VERY SAME hospital my son went
to, He had me spit on and kicked by kids, and I learned to physically
restrain, to stay calm in these situations, to TRUST Him and cry out
when I had no idea what I was doing. He trained me - us- to do exactly
what we needed to know. He taught me most of all to lean on Him and
trust Him to take over when I couldn't do it.
Katie, I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I look at what I just wrote
and I cannot believe that I am writing
about MY life. I look back and all I see is SUPERNATURAL PEACE. Peace
I have never experienced in my life. God was never more real or more
present. God was there - He went before us. He brought my husband and I
closer than ever. And yes, we are in a pretty darn good place right
now. I just called you the other day for advice for my son about SOCIAL
issues. WOW. That's my biggest concern for him right now - a "normal"
kid thing. But This is not the end. I do not know what's in store.
Maybe it will be my daughter in the future. But I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
Because, honestly, I would probably bail. But, I know He has gone
before us. He's already there. And He is training us right now in ways
I have no idea about. I just need to follow Him everyday and trust
that He will be there. Do you know what I heard and hear more than
anything else from people who know our
story? "You are the perfect parents for your kids". Do I feel
that way? No. But I know they are right. God created us and trained
us perfectly for these very trials. And all the while He never left us
for a second.
So
I look at you guys. You do not know what is coming. If you knew you
may have run from the whole thing. But you don't know. What you DO
know is this is what God has called you to do. You do know He has
equipped you with
exactly what you need. When Andy Thompson and Katie McCoy were being
formed He knew this would be your life. He went ahead of you and your
life has been a training ground for THIS VERY task- HUGE task- He is
giving you. You do know He will be there and will give you supernatural
power and peace. And you do know He will not give you more than you can
handle. When the time comes, you will see all of your tools being used
in ways you could never imagine. YOU TWO ARE THE PERFECT PARENTS FOR S
and A. I know that already. I see the community you have, the
support, and praise God that He has that in place already. You can see
that. Some tools He has given you are obvious, like that, and others
you won't know until you are in the moment. One thing already that is
so God is that you had that conversation yesterday while the kids are
ALL at school. You can focus on Him and process and pray and
just think. Imagine that conversation a week ago when they were home.
GOD's GRACE right there.
I don't know what's in store for you guys but I do
know He is there waiting. And you are willing. That's all you need.
That's what He wants.
I have chills reading that again.
This morning I came downstairs early to read my Bible. I opened to Galatians, which I've been reading. I am in chapter 4 and read this:
 |
| Galatians 4:4-7 |
My life verse is Romans 8:15, and there it is, right there -- in Galatians 4:6. Almost the same wording as in Romans. This is so important that Paul wrote it almost verbatim in two of his letters. This was Paul's life's work: proclaiming freedom and adoption!
Right now I am full of fear. Scary fear, like my-life-is-over fear. It could become all-consuming to the point that I am a slave to fear. And I have been so focused on my fear that I have been forgetting who I am, and who God is.
Who I am: I am a child of God.
Who God is: God parted seas and healed terminal diseases, tore curtains and raised the dead to life. He is a God of Power! He is also a God of Love, who parted heaven and earth to adopt me. I am adopted! If you believe in Jesus, you are adopted! And compared to a holy and perfect God -- we are all the same -- slaves. Rebellious, lost, and without hope.
But when the right time came, God sent Hope into the world. And with one act of love, Jesus freed us from ourselves. And at the moment of belief, God adopts us as His own children.
Life is hard. It is so hard. To be honest, there are days that I long for heaven. But I am here, for this time, and for His purposes.
I have no doubt that God has called us to adopt teenagers. And so instead of focusing on myself and my own inadequacies for this task, I have to believe that He has the Power and the Love to do this with me. He adopted an entire world!! I'm pretty sure He knows how to help me. Every day I need to remind myself of Who He Is. And trust. Trust that He has been equipping us all along for this very thing. And keep trusting that He will be there every step of the way, and give me just what I need for each moment.
